Priceless Woman Ministries Priceless Woman Ministries
My husband and I have been married 10 years this month. I was born in Tennessee, but during my life before marrying my husband, moved to Florida, back to Tennessee, back to Florida, then to Georgia. Except for the summer I turned 16, I have lived in Georgia since I was 12 years old. I met my husband when I was 15, but knew that since he was 5 years older than me, my dad would have a cow. But when I turned 17 my mom talked him into letting us go on one date, saying she was sure we were just friends. HA-HA! After that first date, we were together almost everyday for nearly 2 years, until which time we would get married. Dad was NOT happy that Randall was a Baptist. It did sooth him that they were at least Independent Baptist, and not Southern. My family was Christian (as in the denomination), and Christians (the denomination) nearly despise Baptists. Dad even went as far as to say that they would go to hell for not taking the Lord's Supper every Sunday.
I know that God does not want us to be unequally yoked to unbelievers (or even those with different doctrine I suppose), but looking back I see God working in my life even though I was lost. I didn't know this fact (that I was lost, or that God was at work in my life) at the time I married Randall. And neither did he. But I firmly believe that God had a purpose for me marrying Randall. Even though he loved me dearly, I was not easy to get along with. I was really grouchy, ALL the time it seems, when I look back. It's a good thing he is the patient person that he is, or I most likely would have been divorced by my first anniversary! :) I believe firmly what Galatians 5 says about the fruit of the Spirit. My life was NOT characterized by any of these things at the time I got married. And though I did a lot of work in the church, and could be a really sweet person, looking back (again! I'm always looking back to see who I was just to see how far God has brought me. It utterly amazes me at the difference.) I see that there was so much missing. And so much fear and worry and selfishness and such.
How do I know I was lost? Well, when I was 9 years old, (me, my brother, and my sister were raised off and on in Church) I remember the preacher coming to my house and talking to me. I don't even really remember what he said, only that he came, and on Sunday my parents and I went forward at the invitation, and then I was baptized that night. Regardless of what you believe about baptism, if you are not sorry, and do not repent, and do not confess the Lord (as I believe Romans 10 says about confessing the Lord and calling on Him), then what has really happened? You just got wet is all. None of those things happened to me. I didn't even have a clue about repenting until a few years ago. The thing is, I loved God deep down in my heart, and I always wanted to do the right thing for Him. I just didn't know the right way to go about it. I'd do sinful things, and then beg for forgiveness, knowing I'd done wrong. But you know, I did NOT have peace in my heart about those sins. I knew that they were still there. I always vowed to try harder next time. The problem was that Jesus did not live in me. Yes, I believed in Him. But I'd never confessed to Him that I believed He came to die for my sins; or had real, godly sorrow for my sin. I had not believed from my heart on Him.
How did I finally come to know Him personally? I had been attending Church with my husband regularly for four years. We had a new preacher, and I still didn't know Him very well. But he is a dear, dear man. One Sunday morning during services, God pricked my heart, convicting me of my sin, telling me I was lost, and that I needed to trust Jesus as my Savior. That was very frightening, for I felt I had no one to turn to. I still didn't know Bro. Jimmy that well (he had only been there a few months); my husband thought I was a Christian; I didn't dare go to mom and dad, knowing how they felt about me going to a Baptist Church in the first place; who else was left? No one that I felt I could trust. So I just kept this all in. But that conviction did not go away. It was there everyday, every minute, every hour. It was the heaviest burden I've ever had. There was just this heaviness. And everyday, especially sitting in Church on Sunday morning, I knew exactly what I had to do. But the devil put even more fear in my heart. I felt really lonely during this time, not knowing who to turn to. I was very, very miserable. This went on for at least 3 weeks. Finally, it was just more than I could bear. In Church one Sunday morning in July, I bowed my head and prayed. I just told God that I really didn't know if I was lost or saved even though I was baptized when I was 9; that I did not want to go to hell; that I knew I was a sinner, and that I believed with all my heart that Christ was His son and died for me; and I asked Him to forgive me of my sins, and to be my Savior. Peace settled greatly on me that day. That heavy, heavy burden was lifted at that moment. I knew without a doubt that God had saved me. But still, I could not share with anyone what had happened. I just knew no one would understand. By the way, I also told God that since my life was now His, I wanted to follow His will for my life, and to please do whatever it was He wanted to in my life (remember this for later on in my testimony).
My husband had always told me that if I wanted to join the Baptist church that he would go with me during the alter call and invitation. All I had to do was ask. Again, I just could not stand the burden of holding it in anymore. I took his hand one Sunday morning a few weeks later, and asked him to go down front with me to the preacher. He didn't have a clue what was going on, until the I just blurted out the whole story to my pastor. He was utterly speechless :). Both of them were!! But then he just gave me the biggest hug. I really surprised lots of folks in the church, since I was a hard worker and was involved in the choir, Children's church, VBS, etc. But what they didn't know was that I had no faith to go with those works. This time I was baptized with a right heart towards God!
At the time God saved me, we had one daughter, Elizabeth. She was conceived while I was taking clomid (an infertility drug). We had tried for over a year to conceive, and I had prayed hard before I went on the medication. I now believe that God did not hear my prayers because I was still a sinner. What a joy it was when I found out I was pregnant after having been on the clomid only one month. It usually took up to 6 or 8 months. I was so happy to be a mom. But at the same time, I just knew I'd have to go through all that medication again when the time came for more children.
Remember how I told you I asked God to use my life anyway He wanted? Well, about a month after I first asked God's forgiveness, I found out I was pregnant again!! Funny thing. I didn't have to go to the dr. or use the med. again. And we were not even trying. But Praise the Lord, I was going to have another baby. But *baby* turned out to be *babies*!! Two little boys. (I cry every time I think about it!) I know in my heart, without a doubt, God had rewarded me for obeying His call to repent and accept Christ as my Savior, and seeking His will for my life. Seventeen months later, another baby girl was born to us. And then in two more years, yet another baby girl. I was saved in 1990. By 1994, God had added 4 children to our family. I have no doubt that these children truly are gifts from God for my obedience to Him.
But other things besides my children have happened to me to help me see God's hand in my life. One of the most important is the changes in me altogether. The Fruit of the Spirit is truly alive in me. Fear, hate, self-centeredness, coveting what belongs to others, jealousy, and more are gone. Love, joy, and peace now reign in my life. You can ask just about anyone at church. They all thought I was a sweet girl when I married Randall. But now many have told me what a different person I have become. They say that they can see Jesus in me now. And that's exactly what I want them to see.
It's been a struggle. I was not brought up hearing folks pray except for at bedtime and dinnertime. Mom and dad, at least not in front of us, never prayed for others. And the Word of God was not read. At least not in front of us kids. I never knew what grace was until I started going to church with Randall. I didn't even know what a Holy Spirit was; much less what it did. There was just so much I missed out on. I now make an effort to help my children pray about everything; teach them scripture; and just generally talk to them about God. BY THE WAY, Elizabeth accepted Christ when she was 5 years old.
God gave me a talent. That talent is singing. And I love to sing praises to Him!! But before God saved me, I was timid and shy, and I got so sick to my tummy when I'd get up in front of the Church to sing. But God has since taken away the fear, and has replaced it with boldness for Him. My children even sing with me some. My desire for my family is that God will use us all to glorify Him.
A few years ago, God started dealing with me about some sin in my life. It was those trashy romance novels. He kept convicting my heart about it. But I kept on reading anyway. Deep down, I knew I could be studying His Word. Finally I just asked God to take away my desire to read the things if they were truly sinful. And He did. And when I finally put them away, that's when He started using me in a very special way. To teach a ladies bible study once a month. It's such a joy and blessing to be used by God, and to share what God lays on my heart. God WILL use you if you just let Him.
Yes. My life has changed a great deal. I look back to who I used to be, and thank God for the changes He has brought forth. I truly am a new creature! But not of my own accord. It is God who has made these marvelous changes and I thank Him for it.
My desire from the age of 8 or 9 was to be a wife and mom. God has granted that dream. I used to think that when the children got in school, I'd go back to school too, or get a job. That's a desire He has removed too. For I know there is much to be done for Him. And when everybody is in school, I can devote more time to His cause, and His work.
Randall is the treasurer for the Church. He has always been good with finances and such, and God is using that now. I've done many things for church during the last 10 years. Children's church, teaching VBS, choir, etc. Then I directed VBS for 4 years in a row. Now the bible study. I'm really not content if I'm not serving either my church or my Lord. That's my greatest desire.
Along with Elizabeth (7½), Scott and William (5½), Rebekah (4) and Stephanie (2), we have 2 dogs (Jack and Oreo) and a cat (Boris).
When I'm not on the IRC or newsgroups or doing email, I'm sewing or studying my Bible (my prayer life is still something that is lacking). If I'm not up to my neck in laundry that is!! I also have a very generous and serving heart (both from God I believe). I have a hard time telling folks no. But then again, I really would rather say yes to those who need a helping hand.
God is Good!
The End
© 1996 by Julia M. Faulkner